Being a pregnant first time mom is an amazing thing. Full of anticipation and excitement. In the beginning, pregnant women look in the mirror every day for that tell tale bump, then, BOOM! There it is…and then the comments and the touching begin. Read for a list of common stupid shit people say and do to pregnant woman, especially first time moms. Don’t worry ladies, I have also including the perfect response.
1. “You look tired.”
Ah yes, this phrase and I go way back and I’m sure for other pregnant woman. What gave it a way? Perhaps the bags under my eyes, or maybe that ungraceful flop I do when a chair is near? Well I am sure glad you pointed it out or else I might not have known. Asshole.
Respond: Thank you! You too. (Throws them waaaay off and makes them realize they are an asshole at the same time. So good)
2. Unwelcome belly touches
Why do people think they can fucking do this? Yes deep inside my belly a baby is growing, what you are touching is my skin, my body. It would be ten times better, if they would just ask first. Give a chance to mentally prepare for this incoming hand that is about to rub all over your belly.
Respond: I’m not feeling well. Too many people keep touching my belly.
3. “Wow, is there two in there?”
First of all, fuck you. Where does it say that all manners get thrown out the window when speaking to pregnant woman? Is there two in there? Really? I bet they would never say something like that to someone who put on weight. Pregnant woman are already riding an emotional roller coaster chalked full of self judgement. Their useless comment is not needed.
Respond: No, but is there two in there? (point at their belly)
4. “You look ready to pop”
See number 3.
5. Any negative comments on baby names
Chances are they asked you and now they are going to wrinkle their nose at what you are going to say back? You and your partner probably put a lot of thought and debate in the name they are about to poo poo on. That name could be Lollipop Rainbow and they better just nod their head and say “That’s nice”.
Respond: “Well its better than [insert their name]”
6. Any comments about diet to pregnant women
This can range from, “You shouldn’t be eating that!” to “It’s not really eating for two you know.” It doesn’t matter. As long as you are putting healthy things in your body too and the food is safe for you unborn baby. And that is your business, not theirs.
Respond: “Oh this is nothing, you should of seen what I ate yesterday. I almost drank a full bottle of wine too!”
In summary, people lose their filter when it comes to pregnant women. They think whatever they do or says is ok and welcome by you. Its weird I know. If its someone close to you, probably best to nip it in the bud, or you will have to deal a whole 9 months of this bullshit. Try light jokes, if that doesn’t work have a sincere “I appreciate where you are coming from, I don’t like when you….” talk. The whole time saying “fuck you” in your head 😉