I’m Sorry For Being a Selfish Mommy

Jessica Boulay, Jess Boulay, For My Insanity, Sorry for being Selfish

Today is the first day that you to meet your new friends, at what will be your daycare when I go back to work. As the little faces crowded around you with excitement, you looked at them like they were aliens. Right there I saw that I have failed you, for that I am sorry.

I should of taken you to baby groups where you would be familiar with other kids. Instead I kept you home with me. Sure we hung out, went for walks, the mini zoo down the street, shopping, watched TV, went on vacation, visiting GG and Gramma weekly, lounged around and snuggled (snuggling is my favorite). But when it came to adapting you right from the start to kids and that I would not be here full time; I couldn’t. You are too precious, I want you all to myself and so I kept you. For that I am sorry.

As you start to get comfortable around your new friends, you leave my side and play alone. That took guts and I am proud of you. I wonder if we made eye contact would you realize how far away you are and come running back, but you don’t. You keep playing as more and more kids start coming between my vision of you. But you are fine. And there is something in me that wants you to come back, to not want to be there, for even thinking that I am sorry.

Then it happened the moment I knew you are going to be okay here. You took off crawling, then began to climb and walk along everything you could grab with a big smile and spouting cute baby talk. It hit me right there; I am going back to work and you are going to be fine. I have never felt so sad in my life. For that selfish pity, I am sorry.

An hour passes and you are clearly comfortable, so there ends your first intro to your new daycare. Next time I am going to leave for a few hours. I know you will be fine. Me? Ya I’ll be fine too. Eventually…

We have the rest of the summer together before I go back full time again. Guess what, your not going in any baby groups. I am going to keep you all to myself for a little bit longer, so we will keep going for walks, shopping, lounging around and my favorite snuggling. For that I will never be sorry.




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2 Comment

  1. Ryann says: Reply

    My son has been in daycare for 6 months now. I did take him to a baby group but it was only 2 hours once a week and pretty small.. more for the parents than the babies who were all too young to really play with each other anyhow.

    I was able do do a long transition too. The first time I left him there I cried in the car for 5 minutes then went home and wondered what to do with myself.

    By the time I went back to work he was over his seperation anxiety for the most part and settled into the routine. It was an adjustment but we’re both good now.

    I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer tother. 🙂

  2. Formyinsanity says: Reply

    Thanks Ryann! I feel that it will be me at work crying for 5 hours. 🙁
    I hope you enjoy your summer as well!

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