So it’s been awhile since I have written a post. The reason is I’m back to work after 1 year of glorious maternity leave, thank you Canada. I mean it. Now here I am, back to accountability, emails, meetings, conferences, coaching, training, goals, stakeholders, presentations, ETAs, KPIs, ASAP, etc. Yup, typical white collar grind. I knew things would be a hard transition from being with my loving happy beautiful baby every day. What I didn’t expect was this:
People expecting you to know everything. Decisions and changes were made while I was gone, which is to be expected. Things don’t just stop because I’m gone. But it seems like everyone assumes I know about them or even worse was a part of them and support them. I have been thrown into a sea of assumptions that I am still after three months am still discovering.
Taking on too much. I have brought things on myself. Like discovering that there was a knowledge gap and enrolling in a school course. Of course, I chose to do an accelerated version that takes 2 years of content and completes in 5 months. Yeah fucking stupid.
Coming back to work into a situation worse off than when I left. There are things I didn’t bring on but I have to handle it anyway. That’s the job. Coming back to work, I landed in the middle of very big change. Even though I wasn’t the cause and coming back I inherited the state of things this way. I see people are looking at me like I am responsible for it. Which has been a huge heavy weight on my shoulders and it probably one of the biggest causes of my stress.
My diet sucks. When I was playing with a baby all day and had no option but what was in the fridge I ate light and healthy. Planned meals and had healthy dinner, all lined up 5 days a week. It was routine! Now I leave work, pick up the baby and enter my house with a dark sky. I have under 2 hours to feed, wash, change and put my baby to bed. Do I have time prepare a meal now that I am back to work? No, the answer is no. If you said yes you are a freak of nature. Don’t even tell me to plan on the weekend, I’m not there yet. Anyway, so naturally without leftovers from dinner my 45-minute lunch is fast-food filled. So things are getting jiggly.
My house is suffering. Back to work all day and school. Say goodbye to regular house efforts. Laundry piles up until it needs immediate attention which generally ends up in an all day laundry marathon.
Friendships that are just gone. Friendships change after your first child, period. Now take the ones you still have and cut them by 80%. Maybe you will find one night in 6 months you are both available and doesn’t get canceled by a day-of-issue. But I think I have hung out with 2 friends since being back to work.
The endless colds. Did you know that when your child attends daycare or school with a bunch of kids for the first time to expect 8-12 colds in the first year? ME NEITHER. So Boo Boo Chicken and I and also my husbands are constantly coming down with, just getting over or in the middle of a full blown cold. I don’t think I have been able to taste anything since I have been back to work.
Stress and sleepless nights. Being in my position, I am finding myself in a haze of vague direction, high expectation, multiple urgencies, involved in numerous high-value projects and an inbox that is constantly increasing. The result waking up and going over conversations I may never have, planning presentation content and outlining how I am going to tackle situations from 1-5am.
So do you know what? Fuck it. Fuck it all! What do I care about? My family. What should I focus on? My family. What should I not stress about? The things I can’t control. I am going to the best I can. This will pass and I am going to be back to being on top of my game. Being back to work is an opportunity to show everyone what I am made of. So Monday get ready, you are in for it!
In the meantime, I am going to give anyone in this situation this advice:
- Drink the wine
- Eat the cupcake (I’m having two)
- Take a time out
- Get back in there
You are awesome. You are strong. You will get through this.
If you need to say it out loud: FUCK THIS!
But know this: YOU GOT THIS!